|
Crow – “any of a genus of large, nonmigratory corvids with glossy black plumage and a typical harsh call” Saturday 3rd July, the mighty Lions set off for the Aberdeen Scottish Touch Series with the hope of securing more points for the STS end of season rankings.
Firstly may I apologise, as the usual match reporter who is very good with words was absent from the tournament. This match reporter is good with very different words, none of which can be published, as we found out that Stevie’s Mum reads these! So I shall endeavour to keep this report free (ish) of expletives. 0600 hours. After a lovely midweek polite reminder from The Conductress that the bus was leaving at 0600 and tardiness would not be appreciated (ahem). Imagine my surprise when the squad was there in time, yes readers even Ruban! Imagine my further surprise when the bus, was in fact, not. After spending 15 minutes on Woodlands road using my wily charms to flag down any bus at all, our coach and driver Jim arrived. The squad Coach Vinny “McGeeghan” Bryson Captain Terry “who are we humping now” Bauld Men Kris “my voice had finally broken” Matthews Keith “No one is getting passed me today” Telford Fraser “spandex” Grier Ruban “Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby Ahaaaaa” Kanth Dermot “slack bladder” Keenan Stephen “TF” Bennett (Due to parental control cannot say what this stands for) John “shitehawk” Dunne (Suppose we should mention Andrew “turncoat Judas” Armstrong who travelled with his team-mates only to dump us for the international team when we got there. Score 10 TDs for us at the league on Thursday and we will forgive you!) Women Louise “nad slapper” Heritage Anita “bionic knee” Fleming Kelly “sticky fingers” Maguire Ann Marie “Aberdeen virgin” Wall Elaine “The Conductress” Clark After a long journey and some nail biting at the prospect of arriving late (Jim the driver having only two speeds on the journey up, slow and rigor mortis. However this was not to be the case on the way home, hitting every cats eye en route and Terry thinking she was going to arrive in Glasgow before the bus did) the Lions arrived with minutes to spare before our first game, our coach having given us a rousing team talk on the way up. The Lions were stripped and ready to take on the Denton Sharks. Now as anyone who has been to a Lions tournament will know, we start off slow with a few losses and build up momentum as the day goes on…..NOT ANYMORE! The pre match plan was to score first and second in either half. Which is exactly what happened with the mighty Lions winning 5-0. Who scored? Who knows! So all today’s TDs are based on poor memories and bragging rights! Stevie, Louise, Dermo, Terry and Kelly. The Conductress dived over the line for a screamer of a touchdown all the time wondering why the ref was not blowing the whistle. Was he so taken aback with such a fine display? No…he was just wondering why she had dived on the 5-metre line! Having post match statistics really helped us sort out our mistakes and the areas we had to work on. So after our first victory off to the now legendary Lions gazebo. “That’s funny,” said Kris as he pointed out all that was left of his giant packet of Kit Kats was silver foil. The Lions spider senses were tingling that something was amiss. A stretch and warm up later, game 2. Now concentrating on our areas of improvement from the last game it was time to face Flossie Possie still somewhat confused from our last encounter and the amazing flying ball. Clearly this still played on their minds as they lost to the Lions 3-1. Fraser and Keith 2 with the TDs. The jubilant lions returned to base camp for some much needed sustenance. “That’s funny” said Kris. “My sandwiches have gone. The box is over there but no sandwiches” only to be joined by a further, more high pitched complaint of a bag and box of sandwiches which were half eaten by Miss Heritage. And where were the Haribro? And what is that black winged creature with mayonnaise all over its beak? The mystery had been solved…a bloody wido crow! You would think 12 Glasgow Lions balls being launched in its direction would deter it….read on! Game 3. The mighty Lions versus the Scotland Open team. Lets go on halves. First half….Lions go down 5-0. Really not a reflection on how we played. Great defence and communication from the Lions. Fantastic rucking that they could not deal with but we just could not seem to break the line. Some great touches from the Lions stopping the score line being higher. Second half Lions go down. This time 2-1 (Ruby sneaking over the line). After our statistical analysis at half time and a rousing pep talk from coach and captain, the international team could just not break our defence. 26 times on our 5-metre line in succession and they could not get passed our tight defence. The frustration showing all over their faces. A superb achievement from the Lions and a fantastic game to play in. Triumphant, we return to base camp to refresh with whatever scraps the bloody crow has left us (not much at this point) the wee bugger even breaking into Johns flask and pouring himself a cup of tea! Game 4 (last one before the play offs) against the Gorillaz. The Lions lose 5-0. We still don’t really know what happened in this game. The coach left us to our own reflection on what went wrong, most saying a combination of tired legs and tired minds after playing the international team, but I still stick by my theory that the crow had slipped a little something in our water to ensure safe passage to our now locked up lunch! The Play Offs QF: Lions versus Leopards. The battle of the cats 3 of the season. Now correct me if I am wrong but we have lost both previous battles….NOT ANY MORE. The Lions win 8-1 (Lou 2, Ruby 2, Kris, Terry, Keith, Fraser). SF: Lions versus Fingers. The Lions WIN 3-1 (John, Stevie, Ruby). A hard game for us though. Rugby boys switching all over the place but a solid defensive line held them off. So here it is…….. The Final To cut a long story short the Lions showed true sportsmanship by allowing the severely depleted team from the Hoodlums who still wanted to play, get players from other teams…..cue the rugby boys from the previous game. Now I know “the special one” may be a bit upset that we did not take the opportunity to grab easy STS points but that was not the way this team wanted to get them. This team wanted to play and win or lose because of what we did not the other team. So that’s what we did….LOST! An extremely close game with at most 2 players from the original team on the park at any one time. The game finishes 4-4 (Terry, Stevie, Louise, Fraser). Drop off…..five v five no score, 4 v 4 (only 1 Hoodlum) on the park. They get over the line. But yet again a moral victory for us (we get a lot of these!!!) So the Glasgow Lions finish a very very fantastic 9th from 20 teams. The tournament is won overall by….wait for it….Six Pack. Special mentions - The crow. Its final tally was 3 lunches, one packet of sweets, one rather large IKEA bag, a lot of rubbish, two toenails (mine..i have no other explanation of how they disappeared) and Terrys children.
- MIP John “Shitehawk” Dunne. Victor can add scoring and being key in defence to the list of things you can do!
- Team manager. Yes the nad slapper herself Miss Heritage. I don’t think we lot know exactly how much work and how much hassle it is trying to get things organised for the tournaments and league. Thank you. We would truly be pumped without you.
- Vinny. What can I say. Best result in a tournie this year.
- MVP Miss stick fingers herself. It is with real sadness that the lions say goodbye to Kelly on her last tournie with the Lions, before she pursues a career with ping pong balls in Vietnam. Oops sorry teaching English. All the Lions will miss you and you have been immense for us this season. Best of luck and don’t forget us!
- Captain Fantastic. We all love playing with you. You seem to be able to bring the best out in every single one of us.
And finally the squad…… I’m not quite sure what the expectation was of us in Aberdeen. A very mixed squad with all sorts of levels of experience and skills and 7 out of 13 playing in their first season and some even playing out of their normal positions. It’s the best we have finished in a tournament all season and secured some vital STS points. It just goes to show what we can achieve. Could not have been prouder to wear the Lions strip and if we can achieve this on Saturday our top six finish is closer than we think! 3….2…..1….LIONS! Captains insert and final words: One last special mention to 'the conductress' for arranging the bus. Not only was it easy on the usual drivers, but also it provided a premise for the team to discuss strategies and objectives for the tournament, thus initiating a mental focus which was supported by proper warm-up periods throughout the day. Thanks to Elaine and Vinny, the benchmark for future tournaments has been set. A great day for the Lions. Pictures can be view in our gallery. You can also view them on the following website: http://pix.ie/dmurphy |
